Stories from Bob's Life

This is a tale of a young college kid who’d grown up sheltered in an upper middle class community, gone to an upper level university, then got commissioned in the Navy, but who had very little practical experience, or wisdom regarding living in the real world. My guardian Angels were looking after me. 

Getting Married After dropping my parents off in the bay area – I don’t recall where – probably to visit relatives – I headed over to Stanford to reconnect with my college buddies.  One was Carolyn Grigsby who was going to help me with the wedding I’d agreed to.

When I had been a student at Stanford-in-Germany I had had a German Family – the Staibs – who I regularly visited on Sundays to eat Kuchen, get to know them and practice my German.  Their daughter was an attractive young woman my age Inge and one thing led to another and we got romantically involved with each other.  That lasted several months, after which we both found other partners, but remained good friends as I continued to visit her family while still studying in Germany.  Inge spoke excellent Engllish, worked as a legal secretary for an international law firm and had been saving money and preparing and making plans to move to the States to work for quite some time. I stayed in touch with her and her family after leaving Germany.  

After I returned to the states, I finished college, got commissioned in the Navy and headed to San Diego to go through BUD/S training.  About 4 months into training  I got a call from Inge who, by that time, had moved to the states and was working on a temporary work visa, but her time was running out – she had a job and her employers wanted to keep her, but she needed a green card, which was very difficult to get.  She was doing all she could, but was unable to meet the requiements to get a green card.  After all her work over the years, she was about to be sent back to Germany.   She told me at that time her only option was to marry an American,  and would I marry her.  I said no -that wasn’t something I was willing to do, and suggested she keep working other options to get her green card. 

About 6 weeks later, not long before I was to graduate, she called again, desperate – she only had a month or so before her temporary work visa ran out and she would have to return to Germany.  I believe I told her I’d consider it. I remember talking to a Navy Lawyer who recommended against it as I would become very vulnerable to her  – as my wife, she would have legal right to half of everything I owned (which at that point wasn’t much).  But I trusted Inge’s integrity completely, and with some reservations and trepidation, I finally agreed to marry her after graduating from BUD/S when I came  up to the bay area on my way to Virginia.

She and our mutual friend from Germany, Carolyn Grigsby made the arrangements, and on the specified day, the three of us showed up in the Justice of the Peace office downtown San Francisco, signed all the paper work, lined up facing the judge with the other 10 or so couples who were getting married that day.  He went through his script, pronounced us man and wife and told us we could then exchange rings.  I remember that when Inge and I didn’t have rings to exchange, he looked at us and disgustedly shook his head.  When it was all over we walked out of the administrative building, and Carolyn had a handful of rice to throw, which due to perspiration in her hand, had congealed into a few globs, and she threw what she had.  It was all very funny – a bit of thumbing our young, liberated noses at convention and tradition.  I drove Inge back to her apartment where we figured WTF – we needed to consummate the marriage, which between friends but not romantic lovers, was rather perfunctory and unspectacular for either of us.  We then kissed goodbye, as she had to get on with her life, and I had to get back to Stanford to link up with my friends Ernie and Laurie – as we were leaving the next day to drive across country.  

Epilogue: Inge was good for her word – she got her green card, was able to stay with her law firm, and took care of all the legal and other arrangements to get a divorce which became final in less than a year.  I saw her next about 4 years later when I’d just married Mary Anne and we stopped by to visit her briefly in Southern California on our way to Monterey, where we’d be preparing for my assignment to the  German Kampfschwimmerkompanie. We’ve stayed in touch over the years, she finally ended up marrying an Englishman and having a daughter. I had lunch with her about 2010 when I happened to be in Albuquerque where she lives,  and I have every so often called her mother.  As I type this I have just spoken to Inge’s mother Maria, sill living at home in Weinstadt-Beutelsbach at 100 years old! .  

The Drive Across Country.  After the wedding adventure, it was time to head East in my old beat up Toyota – which I had no idea how to prep for a long journey.  My understanding of cars was not much more sophisticated than: turn the key, drive it; put gas in it when it gets close to empty.  If I had then known the simple truth that one needs to change the oil in a car now and again, the following adventure would have looked a lot different.  

  Joining me on my drive would be my friend Ernie Gundling who’d been my roommate in Germany, and his girl friend Laurie Rusk.  After leaving Palo Alto, heading east, on the second day of our trip, we were heading across the desert in Nevada, and my car just died – out in the middle of the Nevada desert – no where.   

Now what?  This wasn’t supposed to happen.  I hitched a ride into the next town, Elko, Nevada   about 15 miles away, where I was dropped off at a car dealership which had a tow truck.  I recall telling the manager at the dealership that my Toyota had broken down, to which he replied, “a toy what?”  This was 1975 in very rural Nevada and Toyota was not a well known car in America.  Their tow truck  took me back to the Toyota and Laurie and Ernie, and brought the Toyota and all of us back to the dealership in Elko.  When we learned that the car could not be quickly fixed, as the engine had frozen up (I don’t think I’d ever changed the oil), Laurie and Ernie took off on their own to hitch-hike the rest of the way back to NYC, and I hoped to catch them part way (this was before cell phones, so coordinating that would have been challenging).  I ended up staying nearly a week in Elko waiting for a new engine to be shipped out from the west coast. 

The dealership guy recommended to me that I spend just a few more hundred dollars and buy a new car rather than try to repair that old broken up Toyota which would probably never run well again, even with a new engine.  He was right and that was great advice, that I was too inexperienced to appreciate.   I thought he was just trying to sell a new car – which he was, but it was still good advice.  If the car has a new engine, I figured, it should be good – right?  I had no idea what I was doing.  So I spent nearly a week in Elko, reading, taking walks and checking in every day to see if my new engine was in yet. It took nearly a week for a new engine to be shipped to Elko from San Francisco.

When I finally got my car running I took off to try to catch Ernie and Laure as rapidly as possible.  I recall at one point, being out in the middle of the mountains in Utah, in the middle of the night.  I was struggling to stay awake, so picked up a lone hitchhiker out in the middle of nowhere,  a young black kid, who seemed like a nice kid.  I asked him if he could drive, he said yes so I gave him the wheel, and told him to stay on this highway and I laid down in the back seat and slept.  I woke up in the morning, sat up and watched his driving – and realized he may be able to drive, but not very well!  I took over and never let him drive again.  He had no money, so I bought him breakfast and later lunch and dropped him off at where he was going – somewhere near St Louis. He got a good deal  – a long ride home, but he did get me thru the mountains!

I remember stopping by to see Marty Hollis in Indianapolis – I had been in touch with her by phone and mail, but the weather and traffic were bad and I didn’t get to her address until 2 in the morning.  Marty and I ran in the same crowd when we were students in Murnau, Germany at the Goethe Institute while I was a student at Stanford-in-Germany, and the two of us had hitch hiked to Salzburg together.  When I got to her place late at night, she was asleep and tired, and had to work the next day, and I had to hit the road, so we didn’t really get a chance to catch up – I remember being a bit disappointed because we had always gotten along well, and I had been looking forward to relaxing and catching up,  but circumstances just didn’t permit it. 

By this time, Ernie and Laurie had already made it NYC and were staying with her aunt. I made it to NYC and was able to link up with them.  For a couple of days,  we had a lot of fun in the city – I recall going thru some of the big department stores with them downtown, and being amazed at the quality and prices of goods there – I remember thinking  these were like museum quality items, with price tags.

I believe after a couple of days and nights, with them in NYC. staying with Laurie’s aunt, I must have driven down to Virginia Beach, checked in to the BOQ and soon after, checked in to UDT 21.

The next major phase of my life was about to begin…

Epilogue:   My Toyota got me across country, but within a year was breaking down regularly from other worn out parts and defects.  So I got almost nothing on a trade in, and bought a new VW Rabbit. Wish I’d taken the advice of the guy at the dealership.

Ernie and Laurie got married, had two great kids and divorced about 20 years ago. Ernie remarried, and I and Mary Anne attended his second marriage.   Ernie and I have stayed not only in touch, but close. 

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